bermsheen44

I am a grateful, recovering addict who has 18 days clean. I am on the lifelong journey of coming home to myself. Coming back into my full essence. Meeting myself and my emotions and choosing not to run and hide from them. I have learned what I resist persists, in order to grow I must make hard choices. Hard choices that support my highest good, so I can show up fully in my life, to support myself and those around me. I had certain coping mechanisms and my drug of choice, in my belief, did serve a purpose. It was a protective measure and at the time, for the last 7 years, my drug of choice let me numb out and survive and exist through challenging situations that I didn't have the tools to face. I wasn't taught how to observe and manage my own emotions. In my household big emotions were fucking terrifying, something to be afraid of. When big emotions di come up it was like waves of the sea taking over me, as I drowned in the discomfort and catastrophized my whole life. Treating those moments as if they were the entirety of my humanity, as if the TEMPORARY emotions I was feeling was all that I was. I would put on my emotions and wear them like a coat. It took many years of being checked out and I am ready to check back into my life. Feeling everything fully, wheww that's a tall order and I am capable of doing so, as are all of YOU. I cannot do any of this alone I have a home support group that I meet with 7 days a week who have offered me wisdom, encouragement and a new way. I feel these inner motivations and know that the external ones are valid too.