I am a grateful recovering alcoholic, as well as a grateful recovering survivor of a couple of dysfunctional family systems. I have been on every side of this disease, beginning as the daughter of an alcoholic, the wife of an alcoholic (big surprise), my own alcoholism, and the mother of an alcoholic. Yes, this is indeed a disastrous family disease that destroys wonderful, loving people in the process.
so here i am, 6 and half years clean and i am battling my weight...again. having once ballooned up to 314, then gotten down to 233, now, after injury and baumgartner type dive off the healthy food wagon i am at 299. i have to find my way again, out of the obsession of eating. it is "using" in a different sort of way- the drugs are gone but the need to fill a craving remains.
In Step Six I contemplate my life undergoing change-tremendous change. The great fear is this: If I shed many characteristics that stand in my way, what will be left? It is as though I face a great void, a terrifying unknown. Yet when I acknowledge how far I have come, I can see how much I want to change. The desire to grow and to heal has brought me to this uncomfortable point, because I am tried of the way I have been. My Higher Power is there to guide me when I am ready.
However, I never looked at the underlying issues that had been the reasons for my drinking. And so, even though I had not had a drink in over two years, I was able to still destroy my life. I had an affair. It was not intentional. I was not looking for it. But I did allow it to happen. I have destroyed my marriage. My wife hates me. My son hates me. I have lost the love and respect of the woman that I was having the affair with. I am alone.
