TOTAL ACCEPTANCE
Daily Reflections – January 5
He cannot picture life without alcohol Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152
Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: "If I don't get a drink I'm going to die," competed with "If I continue drinking it's going to kill me." Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my al- coholism—with no reservations whatsoever—and one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program.
Comments
In this morning's meeting,
In this morning's meeting, this reflection reminded me of my first 30 days. We had a guy in with 2 days and I shared that I remember sitting there, still full of booze, unable to imagine being sober and unable to function without some booze in my system. After rehab, relapse, and 30 more days, I couldn't imagine 60 days, then 90, then 6 months, a year... At 3 1/2 years I still go one day at a time, but I don't crave and the program helps me deal with the every day anxieties I never learned to deal with for 33 years.
Falstaff