hi my nameis jemma and im an alcholic.

i am currently 7 days away from being 2years clean and sober.

i work an aa programme and imlucky my sponsor lets me include other addictions.

I am starting this journey of recovery and really need and want feedback.  I am seeing a councelor for the last 5 months.  Iʻve slipped up 2 times since.  

My entire family knows, including my 3 children.  Itʻs painful and scary.  My councelor keeps telling me that I am moving forward but that i need to surrender to my addiction instead of trying to beat it....iʻm not sure how to surrender and what that really means?  I admit i have a problem and i want to get better.  

What does it mean to surrender to my addiction?

In Step Six I contemplate my life undergoing change-tremendous change. The great fear is this: If I shed many characteristics that stand in my way, what will be left? It is as though I face a great void, a terrifying unknown. Yet when I acknowledge how far I have come, I can see how much I want to change. The desire to grow and to heal has brought me to this uncomfortable point, because I am tried of the way I have been. My Higher Power is there to guide me when I am ready.

I was given the gift of abstinence. I say a "gift" because it came about because I was scared. I thought I was dying; literally. I thought I had serious liver damage. I mean, I drank for 30 years. So I stopped. But it turned out to be diverticulitis. Still serious, but not life threatening.